Love

I stare at krishna
Saying nothing.
Only loving.
Love is child’s play
For this beloved.
Why do you stare?
Why do you love me so?
My krishna wonders.

Why does the blushing jaaji assail one’s nose?
Why do clouds turn grey when pregnant with rain?
Or rain turn green grass wet?
Why does the sea repeatedly crash against the rocks?
Why does an orange shared, taste more sweet?
Why do I love you so?
Why do you question your own creation, krishna?

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Cat

He only laughs.
But I am right here, he says.
We sway gently in the breeze
Our music is the wind.
And we stare at the stars.
My krishna laughs
When I liken him to inspiration.
Liken me to a cat instead, he says.
Feed me, pet me, love me
On my own terms.
But don’t assume for even a moment
That you are not important.
I come to you, don’t I?
I reach over and caress krishna
My own sly cat.

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Air

There is no krishna
There never was.
There is only air
where you and I
were once together.
When I reach out,
I touch only air
Cooling on the mirror
Where I thought
I saw your arm.
There is no krishna, I tremble
There is no krishna
There never was.
All the love and longing
Was only in my heart.
And when my heart feels heavy
And I exhale, my krishna escapes in that breath
There is no krishna
There never was.
There was only air,
Perhaps inspiration.
Where there should have been
Love, longing, and memories.
There is no krishna
There never was.
There is only air.

Posted in Blue Funk, Idle Thoughts, Intoxication Induced | 3 Comments

Fiend

This krishna is a fiend
He manipulates time.
When we are together
It’s for a breath
And when we stay apart
It’s entire decades.

In all that time,
He has forgotten
How he twirled an orange flower
Ate rasam that’s hot hot hot
Laughed playfully with everyone
And loved in the way he has.

When we are together
For those two seconds
He won’t let me remember
How he went sullen and silent
How he hurt and wounded me
Or how he never says sorry.

My krishna is an absolute fiend
He wants everything his way.
He manipulates time, calibrates memory.
But as long as we are together
Even if it’s just for a breath,
What right do I have to complain?

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Jealousy

My krishna falls in love easily.
Everything is beautiful.
The snow blanketing the earth
The July sunshine on his face
The sea swelling in affection
Tree-lined paths on the way home.

My krishna falls in love easily.
Everyone is worthy of his love.
The tall man with the sharp nose on the subway.
The curvy woman with the red coat and hat in a hotel.
The flower-seller with her three-stoned mookuthi.
The man in a chequered lungi chopping tender coconuts.

My krishna falls in love easily.
Everything is beautiful.
Nothing skips his admiration.
My krishna falls in love easily.
Everyone is worthy of his love.
No one is ignored.

Yet, he looks straight through me
And he says nothing at all about my beauty.
And even less about loving me.
And then he says, “Are you really jealous, but why?”
And then he shakes his head at me.
And then he sulks as if I have wronged him.

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Camphor

Nervous energy.
Even soothing camphor
Won’t still the restless mind.
Nervous nervous energy
That keeps me up
After midnight
And then again after
After midnight.
Krishna krishna krishna
That’s all the heart chants
Miss you miss you miss you
That’s what the foot taps.
I want to show you
How the black crow cawed at the sun
How I counted seven trees then
And three coconuts just for you.
I want to show you
My new green bangles
My silver toe ring.
And then I want to show you
How my jasmine flowered today.
How I laughed when the wind blew.
I want to show you little things
And big things.
I want to show you important things.
Importantly, I want
To show you inconsequential things
Like a path back to me
So I can be soothed by camphor
So I can sing myself to sleep .
Nervous energy.
Nervous nervous energy.
Krishna krishna krishna
Miss you. Miss you. Miss you.
Krishna krishna krishna
Krishna krishna krishna.
I am the song’s rising crescendo
I am the camphor being burnt.
How then will I ever sleep?
What hope do I have of peace?

Posted in Blue Funk, Idle Thoughts, Intoxication Induced | 2 Comments

Leaf

My love is simple
Like the venation
On a Bodhi leaf.
I am all the lines
Of devotion
Spreading from
the single straight line
That’s you, krishna.

I am heart-shaped
Lush with love.
I am fragile,
A delicate green.
Must you be a child
And tear me apart so,
With your indifference
And simply for fun, krishna?

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