Come in to my parlour, sweetiedarlings.
Let us, you and I, get to know me because I’m doing a lot of getting-to-know-me-thinking. That and taking insane amounts of quizzes on Facebook (FB) and religiously publishing most results. This way they are available for all on FB to see and understand what a lovely lady/the addiction everyone must crave/wondrous being I am.
Insider Tip: Remember each FB result must be studied in conjunction with all others to derive a comprehensive personality – cheery, sanguine, in-the limelight, angel-in-human-form, drama queen.
The results are hardly surprising and so like I’ve always maintained:
1. I’m a witch with superior skills (a Goddess of water and air with feeling or clairsentient as my sixth sense) so don’t cross me or prepare to die as I can swat you with my weapon – the long staff. My familiar is a wolf and my paranormal skills include telekinesis and super-ventriloquism among others. And as I will so mote it be.
2. I most resemble Scarlett O’ Hara and always get what I want and want only what I cannot have.
3. I have a solar soul so it makes me more unique and potent than all the other users who subscribe to this application and get the same result (Refer Insider Tip). And my spirit is that of a fox which makes me a very cunning and intelligent adversary.
4. In my past life, I was royalty (specifically Queen Elizabeth I). In this life, you can continue to address me as Her Royal Highness, or her Majesty Queen B, or the Purple Queen as some ex-colleagues call me, or My Lovely Lady (the last only if I permit you to address me so).
5. I have a neutral Brit/American accent so chances are that I will be easily understood anywhere I go. Besides, my European language is Swedish. Exceptions to the rule are when I neutrally speak (as opposed to fight in) my mother tongue, Kannada. Then the accent kicks in. So if you want to speak to me in Kannada, you had better be fighting with me. But if you do intend to fight with me remember 1.
6. I make a great long-tem lover and a dream-wife. Men love me and are saying ‘that’s my girl’ all the time. Which doesn’t explain why the two I loved ran away faster than I could say the, ‘I do’ of the ‘I do make a good long term lover, the dream wife.’ But they weren’t interested in FB Quizzes, I guess.
7. My colours include and are not restricted to gold, corn-flower blue, green, and orange. But my signature colour is always purple – royal again, though I look best in crimson and maroons or anything by Louis Vuitton.
8. I am only 52 % psycho but that’s an error because everyone I know has long, involved conversations with plants, animals, and non-living things. Sometimes if these silent discourses become a little heated and audible, it only makes me an intensely passionate person and not psycho. Though in later years I could have bi-polar disorder. This is exactly what I shared with my new jacaranda sapling. I told him, “By the time you are puce and purple, I will have bipolar. Please help me.” He said, “I’m too young and green now to care. Knock on me in 10 years.”
9. I understand men a hundred per cent.
But I know I am still wondering what went wrong with Mr. B. So may be it’s just when someone is 100 per cent Jock (who is my perfect mate) or Jerk (who is the sort I attract) that this 100 per cent works. Mr.B (and no one faults him for that) can never be accused of being a jock. Why, he even refused to buy the six-pack abs sticker though he promised to. But to be fair (and I’m always fair and just with an enviable sense of always knowing what’s right and wrong) he was jerk enough to want me to be skinny and not my voluptuous self to please his parents, specifically his dad, though nothing really pleased them in the end.
10. I would be like Hollywood’s Lana Turner who started out as a fun-loving, teasing bombshell, but grew into a sophisticated and glamorous beauty, and whose private life was so much more dramatic than her public one. By which token this blog will soon become immensely popular. I’m also insanely cool like King Julian which is no surprise really as anything royal is me. I’m the Led Zepplin of bands and the Ozzy of rock stars.
11. I am most like the novel On the Road. I am mostly inspired by that time so I wasn’t surprised that I write like T. S. Eliot and make an eccentric artist (In fact, Pablo Picasso in another previous life).
12. I can shuttle my life and times (1940s as a glamorous revolutionary, or the Renaissance) living between Paris, Seattle, Poland, London, Hawaii, England and Bangalore.
So what really is this phenomenon called Bhumika Anand? As you utter the megalo of megalomania, let me just make a few corrections to my blog profile.
I’m really happy or terribly sad when I am at work. (And even that FB explains because I was born to do business. I find meaning and satisfaction in what I do because I do whatever I do or don’t with passion.)
In my earlier place of employment (that would have never allowed me to even view FB much less participate in quizzes) I got to have loads of fun because I got to do all that I’ve mentioned in ‘Interests’ (Writing, attending tête-à-têtes over coffee, tea, beer, listening to music, training, organizing events, hosting events, performing on stage, bullying the less intelligent, getting behind, around, and in front of TV and still cameras) except drink beer.
In my current place of employment, I frequently multi-task (note: operative word multi-task) with what earns bread for me and my family (that will soon have 3 kids as that’s the number of kids I’m going to have – 2 boys and one girl; take that, you vile accuser) and FB quizzes. Sometimes, I even get to drink beer. Or get wine to down all the free food I get here. It’s a different life.
Then again these days, I’m happiest when:
· I’m curled up on the bed/sofa with my boys (one massaging my hands and the other my feet) and my girls telling me funny stories, or all of us at Purple Haze listening to my men of yore make love to mikes
· Sobbing about my introspection and retrospection on the phone to a friend (who in all likelihood has heard it since he/she was 3 years old as I am capable of long, lasting, deep and committed relationships)
· Dialling numbers of people I know won’t answer the phone (as I’m point 2 and persistent)
Well then, there you have me.
Now please log on to FB and take the How-Well-Do-You-Know-Bhumika Anand-quiz.