Disclaimer: This is going to be a shamelessly gushing and happy post. Lovers, please to share the joy. Gossip guys – yes, I could be getting mine. And if you are of the envious/evil disposition who cannot stand someone else’s happiness, please eat cake, darling, thank you.
So this sabbatical was definitely one of my better ideas. It has helped calm me as a person. The illness is being dealt with quite sensibly minus the hysteria. My health is really improving. That alone takes about three hundred years off my age. I actually have a sex drive again.
The past two years were stressful, painful, and inordinately tedious. Now being active on social networks without an agenda has eased life considerably. Almost to a point that I could consider ending this idle rich lifestyle again and becoming the Queen B that I used to be at work in the good old days. I am not there yet, but I am very close to it. I am no longer annoyed by people. I no longer feel that I have nothing to prove or learn or contribute. Earlier, I felt that if anyone wanted to know how clever I was, then they could work for it. Terrible attitude even by my standards.
So I took a break. I spent time finding myself with the help of my people who give and give and give to me. I have people who understand me completely, thoroughly – the good and the bad and the sad. I am living with the ease that comes from such unconditional acceptance. Lucky fella.
When a woman has love she can lean on, being alone becomes an adventure, a thrill, a delight. Being single, unencumbered, irresponsible, and impulsive frees the mind and exhilarates the soul like nothing else can. It actually makes one feel young even when you have an old woman’s ailment. It makes you sexy, happy, fun. Like the women in The Golden Girls. A show I always thought would be my life. It probably still will be. And it still is a happy thought.
I am so content. I do not work. The little I do like teaching or writing is relaxed and meaningful. I am reading gorgeous stuff. My men and my women are all happy and enthusiastic about their lives. And encouraging about mine. I am the dearly beloved. I think it shows. Since I am happy, I have more of it in life now. And love. I have so much love in my life now.
It is true what they say. Love finds you when you are not looking for it. Not that it’s a great thing – finding love or love finding you. It’s really quite fucked up and totally turns your world upside down. But yes, it has its moments. Like when the Consort woos me with wit, an old-worldly charm, and sophistication. Like when he quips cleverly and makes me laugh. Like when he is genuinely interested and concerned about every little, boring thing that happens in my life. Like when he doesn’t let me get away with bullshit. Like when he doesn’t let me get away. Like when the conversation is the sort that makes me curl my toes just a wee bit. Like when he knows exactly what I need even when I don’t know it myself. Like the sort of music he knew I needed in my life – simple songs from a seemingly simple time, lazy voices, courtly love! Music that has my lips spreading in a soft smile; music that makes my heart, even one as unromantic and cynical as mine, sigh in pleasure.
Bliss, darlings, really.
I walk in a dream but I know I am not dreaming…
So yes, that’s amore.
Don’t you just love that lazy, lovely voice? Sigh. I like it so much that even the multiple exclamation marks on the video are not really annoying me.