October Outbreak

Pain is not a word I would have chosen to live my life by.

This October began with a wry smile and looks like it will end in a whimper. It started with a common cold and cough. And then I had a bout of herpes again. My mother freaked out because I’d sworn to kill myself if I ever got it again, so she did some doctor-shopping and found me a skin specialist in Malleshwaram. I went to him early as soon as the tingling and burning began. He refused to believe that it was herpes. He said it was just an allergy. I stood my ground and told him that I have had it often enough to know. It turned out that he was the professor who had taught my skin specialist. Finally, unconvinced, he prescribed stronger medication than I normally took. Of course, it didn’t help. By day three, my lips were stitched together and I could not eat or drink water or talk. So we went to him again. I reached the crowded clinic and promptly created a scene by almost fainting. My face looked bloody, disfigured, like I had been in a fight and had lost. Everyone stared at me in horror but no one gave up their place in the queue. When the doctor finally saw me, after a wait of about three hours, he was frightened. But he gave me medication that helped. The herpes finally went away within a record 10 days and with manageable pain, a thing that has never happened before. He also said there might be a possibility of treatment so I am hopeful.

But 10 days of not really eating has taken its toll. While I haven’t lost weight – no, there can be no positive outcome from herpes – I tire easily. The cough that refuses to go away doesn’t help. I cannot sit up for long. And I am angry. I have moods. I cry often.

I cannot resign myself to the fact that I am so vulnerable still. I hate knowing that pain has become the governing element in my life that decides whom I meet, when I get to go out of my home, when I can kiss, when I will taste food, when I will work without any niggling irritation, when I can go dancing.

Ah well. C’est la vie.

Besides, it is October, how else can it be?


About Bhumika's Boudoir

I love to laugh, and end up being a part of high drama and stormy emotion even when I don't pursue it. Being creative, and communicating with people get me going. I enjoy all the good things in life especially those that are slightly risque, and apologise little, if ever, for all that I do. Literature is a passion and so is music.
This entry was posted in Blue Funk, In Sickness and In Health. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to October Outbreak

  1. Meghana says:

    Oh my God. 😦 I hope you are okay now.


  2. Marvin Grey says:

    My dear Best Friend Forever,

    I knew about the herpes of course. I did not know all the rest of what it entailed. I am sorry. But October is coming to end and I can feel your health rising. And I pray, it continues to rise.


  3. I read this, I felt something. No. Not pity. It was a sort of empathy even though I haven’t gone through what you, obviously, are going through. I just wanted to reassure you about one thing. However disfigured, bloody and crazy you feel or look, you will still be an amazing person. Don’t lose hope. Don’t ever lose hope. For what are we without it?


  4. Glad to know that you are well now. Take care.

    Joy always,


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