The two of you are in the midst of a fight and when you land at the party to meet new people, and you are being all indulgent girlfriend because you hate scenes in public and he knows it too; you let your hands touch his thigh encased in jeans because you are used to doing it, because you are not thinking. You reach out for the food on his plate because you are used to doing it, because the chicken on his plate looks better than on yours, because you are not thinking. You enjoy the way you sense others to be judging you as a desperate girl with no boundaries because you know when they eventually find out that you both are together, they will all say how they knew it all along and how My God, aren’t you just so meant to be, and how now someone in that gathering believes there’s a God. And then when the moment comes, when she smiles at him coquettishly and asks, “So, are you seeing someone?”, he looks at you in anger, hate, or worse disinterest for half a second, and loudly says, “Hell, no! I am single.”
This is a lucky break you have wanted for him for years. You have even joked that you will sleep with anyone as long as they give him that break. He, naturally, gives you a straight look when you say that, so you laugh and say, “Just a manner of speaking, love, as if I would sleep with anyone else!” and hold his hand, squeeze it, reach up, and kiss his chin. And then you meet this person who is just this absolutely right person who can give him the right break and he owes you a favour, so you pull cards, get them both talking, and wait to hear from him about it. Two days later, you log into Facebook and there’s mention about the break and the deal and 50 of his friends have liked that post including that colleague of his you don’t like, and there’s no mention about you. You check your mails and messages just to be sure that somewhere he obviously must be saying something about it to you, but nothing.
You are meeting after years. You have decided to let morality lie. You have decided that just for one day you will be nothing but the lover he used to know. He has done his ground work. He has suitably begged, been apologetic, called, shared the failure that his life is now after he left you and married her. After he let you marry him. He has done it all right. And so you decide for one day and one night you both will go back in time. How can it harm anyone if they don’t know? And really, isn’t it time you did something purely for yourself? You have even given up eating chocolate because your husband thinks it will make you fatter, what more is a woman expected to give up? And so, joyous you drive into the hotel seated in his car with him gushing about how beautiful you are, and how you must always wear yellow, and how he remembers how little you cared for wearing panties. And you are smiling, drifting, almost dozing, when he jolts you awake with: “Did you get your share of the hotel bill? This is a posh hotel, 5K per night. Pay me at least 2K, I will treat you for the rest.”
He moaned when you kissed.
He likes to sleep with the fan on. Even in winter. And he won’t cuddle. And he will hog your blanket as well.
He wants to watch you pee. But you don’t get off on that sort of sport.
He checked out the girl in the movie hall. But he did it slowly, so subtly that you almost missed it but you didn’t because you know, and then he denied it, when you laughingly accused him of checking someone out.
He has not stopped using smileys in text messages still. Especially the annoying <blush> one.
He will message you on your first hot date saying, “Can’t wait to get started, dear.”
He is perfect. He writes the most perfect little notes. He promises to show you a good time. He makes you chuckle and you know he will make you laugh when you eventually start going out. He trails off in suspense and hints at all the glorious things you will do when you do get together. But he is too busy to make it happen. He is too caught up with work to actually begin.
He will tell you to apologize to his mom because she is upset you visited him so late. He will say, “My mom loves you, but you are not even allowing her to see what a great person you are. Take this recent thing, for example. It’s not unreasonable, what she expects…”
He will tell you he wants to have sex with you always but he will not be the father of your children.
He is still busy. But you know he is uploading pictures on both Instagram and Facebook with different titles for each type of audience, that he has read and commented on The Guardian about what he thinks of Gwyneth Paltrow, that he talks about watching Breaking Bad end-to-end with his college buddies and how they launch into stories of Nepali drugs in hostel. But he still hasn’t responded to your What’s App message even when the two ticks indicate that he has most certainly seen it.
He has stopped saying, ‘Please’, ‘Sorry’ and ‘Thank You.’ And he’s not even being a Maine Pyaar Kiya Salman Khan about it. You know he won’t because he doesn’t need to be nice now that you are together anyway.
When he is the one man you have fallen for after dating millions of sad boys, broken husbands, tortured fathers, he leaves you for someone in shorter clothes in pink.
<Inspired by and with due apologies to Junot Diaz, my 2012-2013 crush for whom I also permed my hair. Like that.>