It is so hard.
This is what I want to tell you.
But you know that.
That is what scared you.
Your fear immobilised me.
But now, it's different.
And you know that.
So instead, I want to show you how well I am doing, in spite of it all.
My head's high.
I walk straight and tall.
The wind blows my red hair wild.
I smile easily.
Strangers jump to help me.
Kindness envelopes me wherever I go.
Laughter follows.
This is the narrative I want you to know.
But this too you know.
I do not unravel anymore.
There is no falling apart.
After you, I put myself together.
I did it so well, there are zero cracks.
Not even old music can penetrate the inviolable fortress I am.
The soft, lilting melodies blow in heavy as if they were carrying rain.
I hear them.
I feel their moistness even.
But I no longer sink in the dampness.
I no longer cry.
This is why I no longer need to talk.
You know this too.
That's why you never listen to those songs.
You have moved on.
I know this as if you told me all this a hundred times just last night.
Saying things is so redundant.
So obviously we have nothing to talk about.
We know.
I know all the unspeakable, indefinable truths about you.
I used to be afraid of this knowledge.
My fear led you to flee.
Or was it my acceptance?
It doesn't matter.
I know that too.
So do you.
I know how you walk still, the way you apply sunscreen so meticulously, that quick narrowing of your eyes in temper, the way you laugh.
I can conjure you up.
I created you.
What else is there to say?
They say you are a piece of work.
But you are my best work.
And it's been so hard. So so hard.
This is what I want to tell you.
Admire your maker.
This is the plea I carry in my heart.
For you.
But you know this.
And so I know you will deny me.
Forever.
For a second.
We are but one - you and I.
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About Bhumika's Boudoir
I love to laugh, and end up being a part of high drama and stormy emotion even when I don't pursue it. Being creative, and communicating with people get me going. I enjoy all the good things in life especially those that are slightly risque, and apologise little, if ever, for all that I do. Literature is a passion and so is music.